Thanks to all of you who sent boat jokes last month in honor of April Fools Day!
Some of you asked to remain nameless, so in the spirit of fairness I removed names from all the jokes, and instead have listed them in alphabetical order at the end of this posting.
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s steering wheel sticking out the front of his pants.
The bartender looks at him and asks, “Hey, you know you have a steering wheel sticking out of the front of your pants?”
Pirate looks at him and says, “Argh it’s driving me nuts!!”
I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs are the phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with “the girls” lately and when I ask their names, she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.”
Last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. Around midnight, I decided to hide next to the garage behind my boat so I could get a good view when she arrived home. When she got out of the car, she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouching behind the boat, that I noticed there were some hairline cracks in my gelcoat, right where the hull meets the transom of my boat.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it over to the boat yard to have it repaired?
Signed, Concerned Boater
Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.
There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
One ship carrying blue paint collided with another ship carrying red paint.
The crew is missing and believed to be marooned.
Wild Willy was by far the most enthusiastic member of the Lopez Island Drinking Club with a Yacht Problem. When he died, his widow requested the most basic obituary in the Islands Weekly: “Willy Died.” The newspaper clerk reminded her that she’d purchased the least expensive obituary, which included up to five words. She revised the obit to: “Willy died. Yacht for Sale.”
Ole decides he wants to learn how to catch salmon. He realizes that he needs a lot of equipment, like a rod and reel, line, lures, a net etc. He will also need a boat and motor and trailer. Then a truck to haul the boat. He proceeds to acquire all of the above at great expense and invites Sven out to fish with him. Sure enough, before long, they hook and land a nice salmon. After getting it into the boat, Ole says, “Sven, I figure that salmon cost me over eighty thousand dollars.” Sven answers, “Golly, good thing we didn’t catch two!”
Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
How many boaters does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because the right size bulb isn’t on board, the local marine-supply store doesn’t carry that brand, and the mail-order house has them on back-order.
A very nervous first-time crew member says to the skipper, “Do boats like this sink very often?”
“Not too often,” replied the skipper. “Usually it’s only the once.”
What does the term BOAT stand for? Bring Out Another Thousand.
The Ultimate Boat Joke:
It won’t cost much …
Jokes submitted by Heather Adams, Doug Cram, Gene Helfman, Paul Henriksen, Lane Langford, Wendy Mickle, Bill Scherer and Judy Welker.
Author, journalist, and our Newsline “Soundings” column contributing editor over the last year. Sadly, this is her last article (for now), as she is at the end of her commitment to the club in bringing some fresh articles for the membership’s entertainment. She met her mark in style, and is much appreciated.
Join us in thanking Migael for her service, and raising a glass in her honor. Cheers to Migael!!